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Saturday, July 31st, 2004
1:08 pm - Teleology
An argument for the existence of God based on evidence of design in nature.

I don't know about the Muggle god, but I can believe in the Dark Lord.

I have to. It's his mark that graces my arm now.

And the irony is that I had decided not to follow him, to follow the side of the Light, but was not aware and fell into a trap.

Undoubtedly if I ever see my father again, there will be a fight over which one of us betrayed the other. A duel, even.

Perhaps that is what hurts the most, that the only person I have truly trusted has betrayed me, but would never see that as a betrayal, instead viewing it as fulfillment of purpose. A purpose that has been fulfilled, although I do not agree with it.

I wonder that the Dark Lord did not sense my hesitation when he Marked me. Perhaps he did.

Or perhaps he is even more insane than I had postulated. Which scarcely seems possible.

I suppose if he were to read this, I would receive the Cruciatus for my efforts, but I doubt he troubles himself. And I am pleased that I did not betray anyone. Of course, that would have been more difficult if he had tortured me, but...I can feel him in my mind now. Always there. Waiting, almost. Not active, but present.

His thoughts shade mine.

And then there was Anthony.

I may go visit my mother. Strange. I haven't thought of seeing her for a very long time.

Italy sounds very nice. But I doubt I will allow myself to go.

current mood: cynical

(2 bought a gun start a war)

Sunday, July 25th, 2004
10:16 am - Occam's razor
"Plurality should not be posited without necessity."

That's Occam's razor.

Or, to rephrase, "Of two equivalent theories or explanations, all other things being equal, the simpler one is to be preferred."

The simpler one is the one where I survive and gain power, at least personally. But it is impossible to see which way is better at this point. There is no formal field, no known outcome. Either could win. Or neither, I suppose, is a possibility as well.

Still, I know what I shall do with my chosen course of actions.

I took a walk in Edinburgh last night. It was pleasant, definitely. Very summer, lots of people around. Very nice. I wonder what they would do if I tried to prove to them who I was?

For their past history informs my current life far more than most might think. But Muggles do not have a tolerance for the unusual, nor an ability to readily grasp that it is not necessarily a threat.

They shoot first, and ask questions later, as they so piquantly phrase it.

Odd. But I suppose I do as well.

I should speak to Kevin soon, he seems a nice sort of person. And possibly as fish-out-of-water as I was at the DA meeting.

I still have no idea why Warrington didn't tell the Aurors who I was - and, more to the point, why they came looking for me. I have done nothing worth reporting to them. But then, so little is.

And the man in the pub. Ah yes. The man in the pub. Allow me to keep that secret, at least, oh journal.

current mood: amused

(start a war)

Saturday, July 17th, 2004
12:54 pm - Consideration of first principles
Disquieting to have run into Bulstrode the other day. I had, rather naively, assumed that due to Father's basic insanity, I wouldn't see anyone from the school until I forcibly invaded a Death Eater meeting, demanding to be marked due to their inability to handle something as simple as appropriately recruiting among us.

I blame Snape actually. As much as I cared for him before, when he was a welcome respite from the daily round of my father's rants, he is obviously either not competent in his duties or more shackled than we should have liked to have thought - but the question of what might be doing the shackling is not one I am foolish enough to ask here. Suffice it to say that it was undoubtedly Dumbledore, and that I believe that Harry did the right thing for my interests by killing him.

I suppose it's possible that common cause can be made with someone, but the question is who?

Perhaps the one I see at the pubs.

And perhaps I have no wish to ally myself with a drunken fool.

But he might make an adequate tool for a time.

I have never questioned myself, only those around me. And now is not the time to start questioning myself, but I find that I must ask even harder questions now. Why is the Dark not doing anything other than dying? Does our Lord deserve our support?

Or is he merely a figurehead, of no value or interest other than how far he can take us all on his rise, and when he reaches that peak we'll turn on him like squabbling jackals?

Questions to be answered.

Before Bulstrode is leading us all. I hardly think that a woman's hands are the appropriate place for the tasks we face.

current mood: annoyed

(2 bought a gun start a war)


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